Life's Highway - The Randy Helms Express

The last 24 hours have been unbelievable. It started late Sunday night when we were told to pack our stuff because we would be leaving Monday morning headed to somewhere around Baghdad. So we packed our stuff enough for five days. We went to bed about 1130 at night. We were woke up at 0030 and told to get ready, because we would leave in one hour. We drove down with a whole bunch of Iraqi tanks. Now these tanks are slow. They can only go about 10 to 20 miles an hour. So what normally takes around 30 minutes to and hour, ended up being an eight hour trip. Along the way one of the tanks broke down. So we had to wait until the Iraqis could figure out what to do. They decided to tow it with another tank. Then about an hour later, one of the tanks ran out of gas. So while we were waiting for the gas truck, this Iraqi soldier accidentally shot his AK47. Just missed his foot and the bullet went through the back of the tank.

We finally made it to our location and there we sat around all day. We had an Iraqi style lunch with the Iraqi General. This consisted of yellow rice with sheep mixed in. Also it had cucumbers and tomatoes around the sides. They also served us a brown bean style soup. It was very good. Of course everybody eats from the same plate. So I was eating with the interpreter who sat across from me. Then I arm wrestled their Sergeant Major and whooped him. So he challenged me to climb a palm tree with bare feet. Of course I can't do this, so I declined. He did it anyway. It was pretty cool seeing him go up it like a monkey.

What a day. Something I will never forget.

Posted by Randy at 9:27 AM | Permalink | Comments

Posted by Randy at 5:34 AM | Permalink | Comments

--------NOTE I CAN NOT GET THE PHOTOS UP RIGHT NOW. I WILL ADD THEM LATER. I RAN OUT OF TIME ON THE COMPUTER --------------------------------

Well they all can be associated with house. That's right my house, outhouse, and nut house. Ok the pics above show my room here. Also I have added my Humvee that I drive. The porta potty is what we took yesterday. The reason we took it is we needed one that had a seat. The grays one on the other side of it are Iraqi ones and they don't have seats. So we found this and let's say we grabbed it after dark. We put a look on it, so the Iraqis won't use it. They don't aim so well when they go number two.

SSG F has come back into the picture, sort of. After I dropped him off in Germany, I thought I would never hear from him again. Wrong. My MSG (Master Sergeant) got an email from him. I am enclosing here. You will notice that he stops right in the middle of the sentence. I will not run spell check on it either:

MSG F, I'm back in Kirkurk now with the team I was trying to get to. Sorry for all the dramatics!! It was my boss's way of getting me out of something that wasn't suppose to happen!! We really appreciated your team's enthusiasm, however. I've been reminded to keep my motivation down to a very low key!! I've been involved in recruiting for a company we all are too familiar with, IAW GWOT, for about the last 14 months. When you guys met me @ Carson, I had just been given a special Aggnmt. Hard to turn off the motivation, I guess. As soon as I was dropped off at Lundstaul, I was picked up 2 hours later and placed on a 4 day refresher in Prague and re-entered Kirkkurk via HALO. Just wanted you guys to know I'm safe and all is well. No hard feelings and I wouldn't have change a thing. PS; In case your in doubt, think about all the hidden signs. You never seen the eyes drops I placed tears in my eyes with going to chow th

As you can see he is crazy. None of what he is talking about makes since. I saw him the next day after I dropped him off at Landsthul. He thinks he is in the "Agency". Well me being me, I decided to email him last night. Here is what I emailed him:

SSG F, I knew it dude. The rest of those guys thought I was crazy, but I knew you were part of some rouge unit. You knew to much stuff. I would tell SFC Cl or SFC I all the time. I would say stuff like, "I think SSG F is part of some cool delta force, or part of the agency." They would laugh at me. MSG F told us he received an email from you and told us a little about it. I stood up and said "See I told ya'll. My boy F part of the killing crew." Hey man are they hiring? Do they need admin guys? You saw I ain't like the rest of them 42L admin dudes. I am the CAG (Combat AG). I can sharpen a pencil and poke your eyeball out. Let me know dude. My boy Flo, CIA, I knew it.

Well he emailed me back and here is what he said. Notice again it stops in the middle of a sentence:

Helm doggy dawg, you almost got your ass hired and didn't know it!! You were genionunly concerned about the one you were watching (me) and it was noticed!! Remember the red head at the Balad Medical station I was talking to all the time? Was she really a medic? Did she ever really ever do anything but carry a clip board around? Remember when she and I went out to smoke? That ain't all we did! That's how messages get passed along ole friend. Bet if you went back there right this minute, she doesn't exist! Emergency leave, family hardship etc. It's really not all that spooky or all that secretive bud. You just have to read between the lines, that's all. Remember how me and the SF 06 were 2 pee's in a pod? Tell Jay when he has someone gathering stuff for the good of the unit at night/s, he has to give them a day off right before he's ready to start them working regularly (no

Again it makes no since at all. The little redhead he is talking about was in the Air Force. The Special Forces (SF) O-6 , or COL was not in the agency. He was a National Guardsman called up for a year. Oh well enjoy and laugh along with us.

Helms out

Posted by Randy at 9:03 AM | Permalink | Comments

Today will be brief. I am going to write a long entry tomorrow. The story of the nut case I took to Germany continues. I have to get this email, from my MSG and then I will attach it here. You will love it.

I also will try and add a few photos to show you what we got yesterday. Let me just say it stinks, but I am glad we "acquired" it. For those in the military or past military duty you know what "acquired" means.

Wait till tomorrow and you will laugh. I bank on it. GO DALE JR. ITS YOUR YEAR. TAKE THAT AL THOMPSON.

Randy

Posted by Randy at 8:13 AM | Permalink | Comments

Well I have decided to try and grow a mustache. It will not make it back to the Texas when I go on leave though. See Isabel does not like mustaches. So I will have to shave. The other day she noticed it when we were chatting on MSN messenger. Caelan did as well. Matter of fact he was funny with what he said. He said, "Daddy, who put that mustache on your face?".

I have loaded the latest pics of Caelan and Ryleigh above. They are growing so fast. They make me proud, as does their momma.

I should be back in Taji by the end of the day. Sitting in Balad waiting on a flight. Long week, but it could have been worse.

Randy

Posted by Randy at 12:06 AM | Permalink | Comments

So I changed one word in a classic Aerosmith song and it becomes my subject. After being cancelled about five times, I finally was able to get on a bird to take me into Kuwait. From here I will have to try and get a flight close to my base in Iraq. Should take anywhere from 8 to 24 hours.

When the flight got in last night it was about midnight. The bus ride from the airport to where I am at was about 2 hours. So we did not get here until around 0330 in the morning. By the time I checked in, got assigned to a tent, and then the mammoth job of trying to locate my two duffel bags amongst the hundred that were outside, I crawled into the rack at about 0430. I woke up at 1000 today ready to go.

Oh well time for chow.

Randy

Posted by Randy at 12:18 AM | Permalink | Comments

Go to http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=51519529 and watch the video I have uploaded. I put it on there for Isabel, Caelan, Ryleigh, and my momma.

Randy

Posted by Randy at 3:16 AM | Permalink | Comments

Today is my mother-in-law Ingrid's Birthday. So let me start off by saying Happy Birthday or Hartelijk gefeliciteerd. I am sure that tonight Dick will bring you roses and a bottle of nice wine to celebrate. Or at least he will now that I have wrote it here and put him on the spot. Anyway, have a great day and I love you.

I am sitting in Ramstien waiting to see if I can get on a flight back to Iraq. I sort of hope I don't and stay here another day. I could use the break. Probably not though. Yesterday I was able to wish Isabel and the boys a Happy Valentine's Day. So that was nice, but would have been better if I would have been there.

Later,
Randy

Posted by Randy at 11:23 PM | Permalink | Comments

Well after basically being awake for 48 hours, we (SSG F and I) made it to Ramstien, GE. He drove me about crazy waiting on a flight to get here. I had to watch him the whole two days. He is a smoker, so about twice an hour he wanted to go outside and smoke. That meant I had to go with him. He did not want to stay in his bed, so we would walk around the Medical tents. All in all it was not to bad, it is just I only had a steel chair to sit and sleep in. So of course I did not sleep well at all. But we made it here and I will return to Iraq in a couple of days.

Germany is a pretty as it ever was. There was a little bit of snow on the ground from what looked like a nice snow storm a week ago. I was able to pick up a couple of country CDs and the new El Divo. Yes, you read correctly. It's some nice relaxing music. Plus the 2nd song is called Isabel.

I write more when I return to the sand.

Randy

Posted by Randy at 10:01 PM | Permalink | Comments

Yesterday was a very interesting, funny, but sad day. You remember me telling you about SSG F and almost getting in a wreck with him? Well he is a strange bird to say the least. He is a very smart guy, but something always seemed off with him. Well he apparently is possibly schitzo. He left the other night and did not return until 1200 the next day. When asked we he was, he gave a long story of helping somebody out on the road, and then his humvee died. By the time he got a jump it was midnight, so he went to midnight chow and then to the gym. Said he was working out, but he fell asleep on the weight bench. He woke up at around 0400 when people were coming in to workout. He said he then noticed his hand had swelled up. So he went to sick call. Of course he got in trouble, because we did not know where he was, and he had one of our hummers. We were in the process of moving into our new billets and he was not around to help. Well the MSG was very mad and told him he could not drive by himself for 30 days.

When the MSG, the CPT and another Sergeant took him to chow, he started crying in the back seat. He did not want to go inside to eat. When those three came back outside, he was gone. They looked for him and could not find him. The CPT got a call about 2 hours later and he was informed that SSG F had gone to the clinic. So the MSG, the CPT and myself drove over to the clinic around 1130 at night. The docs said they believe he is schitzo. So I had to stay with him all night at the clinic. The dude would not shut up. They gave him so sleeping pills and finally about 0230 he fell asleep. I was awoken at 0630 by my buddy to relieve me.

Now I have been told I have to escort SSG F to Germany to the big hospital there. Not so bad I guess, because I will spend about 5 days there. And everybody knows how much I like Europe. Probably will have to stay with him the whole time though. Oh well such is life.

I really think this whole adventure, may make for a good book or movie. I want Michael Madsen to play me.

Randy

Posted by Randy at 12:44 AM | Permalink | Comments

I guess I should talk a little about what it is I will be doing for the next year. I will be on a Military Transition Team or MITT. The job should be very rewarding. If you have been hearing our President speak about the end state of the war, and training the Iraqis to safeguard their own country, he is referring to MITTS, SPITS (Security Police Transition Teams) and BITS (Border Transition Teams). I have the opportunity to watch the Iraqi Army grow and learn things they have never known is possible. I will work with one of the Iraqi Divisions and get to pass along advice.For those of you who read the Army times, there was an article in last weeks issue on 11 man deployments. You get the chance to read it, you will better understand the MITT mission. For those of you who cannot read the Army times, I am pasting below an article I ran across on the Internet that tells a little bit about the MITT. Until I post again, Randy


Iraqi Soldiers Learn From Military Transition Teams
The Military Transition Teams prepare Iraqi troops to take over the job of securing its own country. By U.S. Army Spc. Karl Johnson363rd Mobile Public Affairs Detachment

MAHMUDIYAH, Iraq, Feb. 3, 2006 — One of the coalition missions with the highest expectations, the greatest visibility and the most responsibility is that of the Military Transition Teams. The teams' task is to prepare the young Iraqi Army to take over the job of securing its own country. In Mahmudiyah, a city south of Baghdad, training is taking shape.

"It's a very challenging mission, but the more we stay with the Iraqi Army, the better they become," said U.S. Army Staff Sgt. Arturo Delagarza, Military Transition Team 2, 2nd Brigade Combat Team, 101st Airborne Division. "That way they can transition to taking over their area, and we can shift to another location or possibly even out." The process of preparing the Iraqi Army is one that requires the dedication of both Iraqi and American forces.

"They know we're not here to take over," Delagarza said. "We're here to help build, and they're working toward taking over for themselves." The Iraqi Army conducts raids, patrols and operates traffic control points on their own now, said Delagarza. These examples of the ever-improving Iraqi Army are reasons for hope and excitement, Delagarza said. And yet, there is still much that remains to be accomplished.

They've shown a lot of progress, Delagarza said. "They're trying to get into the professional mode, and that's what we need them to do." With the Iraqi Army making progress tactically and professionally every day, it's not hard to look forward to what the future might hold, he said.

Posted by Randy at 8:19 AM | Permalink | Comments

Today I will enlighten you on something funny that happened to me. I went with a fellow soldier to try and get a couple of trailers to hook up to our Humvees. We had to move about 15 Bunk beds to our new quarters. So we drove over to the motor pool. Well SSG F. was backing in and I was coming in front of him. He then started moving forward. So I slamed on the brakes, and bam. No we did not hit, but I sunk about 3 feet into the mud. I could not get out. SSG F. had to pull me out with his Humvee. I had mud everywhere. At the time I was pretty ticked, but I laughed at it later.

The photo above is Renee and Me. Now scroll down and look at how close Ryleigh looks like me. Scary is it not. Renee, I am glad you cut that long hair. And also glad you are not that blond anymore. Even though you still act like it at time. Just kidding my loving sister. By the way, I am sure Shannon and La Shonda will get a kick out of it.

Happy Birthday Sharon.

Randy

Posted by Randy at 11:20 AM | Permalink | Comments

Well today was the first time we left the post. Cannot say what we did, but we did finally get off for a little while. As soon as the gate closed behind me and I was outside the hair on the back of my next stood up. I had butterflies in my stomach. I was driving and I gripped the steering wheel at ten and two, just like I was taught during drivers ed at Brunswick High. I stayed that way until we safely returned. I told another Sergeant that is how I want to feel every time I leave. When I don't feel that way, then that means I have dropped my guard.

I was real close with my SuperBowl prediction. I was only off on the Seahawks score. Lets just hope them Cowboys make some changes and get back there next year. PLUS LORD IF YOU CAN HEAR ME AND I NOW YOU CAN. PLEASE LET THE COWBOYS GIVE TERRY FAIR A CONTRACT. THAT WAY I CAN SEE HIM AND SHERLONE MORE OFTEN. THANK YOU LORD AND GOD BLESS THE PYGMIES.

Until I post again,

Randy

Posted by Randy at 11:37 AM | Permalink | Comments

When I was a younger I dreamed of the perfect life. All I ever told Bobby and Troy was, I just want a loving wife, kids, and a dog. Man did I ever get what I wanted. I am as happy as a fly on a thrash can.

There are days that my two boys make me mad as anything, but I take it in stride. There are those days that I just can't get Isabel to see it my way. No matter how hard I try to convince her. Even old Bailey makes me mad when he forgets that the thrash inside the house is for throwing away when I have a minute, not for him to tear apart and look for scraps like some bum behind Jacks Country Mall (for those who lived in South Brunswick, U go 912, Shout out to Bimbo, plus Billy and Nick Bakaggis). Then there are days like yesterday.

Isabel had me call a Model agency when we first got to Texas to inquire about the boys modeling. Now I don't know squat about that stuff, and even if I did my true Southern-Ness would overcome my brain and tell my mouth to say, "I don't know about that. Pass me some cornbread Isabel." I made the call and they informed me they would be in contact around early JAN to set up a date for the boys to come in for a interview. Well Iz got the call in JAN and she took both boys up there. She told me they passed the interview and had to go back for a head shot. Well this went well according to Isabel. Yesterday she sent me the web page that they are on (www.entourageagency.com). Let's just say I am grinning ear to ear every time I look at those photos.

Life here is the same. I should have an address for you by Tuesday. I will send out and email. I do not want to post it here. We were busy today tying up lose ends. Superbowl tonight. I may watch or not. I predict the score will be Steelers 21, Denver 17.

Take care and God it is good to be a Husband, Dad, and Poop Picker Upper.

Randy

Posted by Randy at 9:08 AM | Permalink | Comments

Woke up this AM to a downpoor or as Sonny T would say a "cod washer". It has rained off and on all day. The whole place is muddy and looks like a lake. The wind is kicking hard and parts of different tin roofs are flying around. It seems it will not stop.

We have one day left of classes here and then we are done. Still not sure where I am going, but it looks like I will stay here in Taji. Cannot say what Iraqi division I will be working with, but I do know they stay busy. That is a good thing, because it will make the time go by fast.

Quick one today, but more next time.

Before I forget Happy Birthday Eline. Have a good one.

Randy

Posted by Randy at 10:03 AM | Permalink | Comments

In this modern day society with gadgets that can just about do everything, there is still a lost art that a soldier still has. That would be a pen and a pad of paper. I will admit with this blog it's easier to just post something that everyone can read and see. This way I do not have to write everyone a letter, well not everyone.

See my grandparents do not own a computer. Even though Grandpa is a stout Democrat and I am sure he supports the internet, since Al Gore created it (Yeah and Iraq is a beautiful country), they do not own such a piece of machinery. I still write them letters just like I did 13 years ago when I went to Korea for my first assignment.

My grandparents hold a special place in my heart just like they do with everyone that meets them. Mater of fact just writing this I am holding back the tears. I miss them dearly and think about them often. Since I have been in the Army I have not always been able to be home for the holiday's . I have only been home for two Christmas' in the past 13 years and I believe only three Thanksgiving's as well. Thanksgiving is the big one in the Holland family. Everyone normally either goes to Nana's and Grandpa's or up the road to my Aunt M'liss and Uncle Allen's. I have missed it to many times.

It never fails though in those past Christmas, that I have missed, they have sent me a care package. It always has cookies and popcorn, two of my favorites. When I was stationed in Holland for those five years, my co-workers looked forward to that metal can arriving with the goods. Funny thing though it always had a dent on the side. I think Grandpa kicked it since he retired from the post office many years ago, before they knew what going postal meant. Anyway it always came year in and year out and it never made to New Years.

I now my momma will print this and mail it to them so let me just say the following:

Nana and Grandpa I love you more then anything in the world and I could not have asked for better. Someday many years from now we three will walk along the streets of gold and I am sure if we turn our heads Grandpa will be snacking on something.

(Thanks Shelley for the photo that I stole from your Jan newsletter and John "HQs" Sousa for the inspiration from your post about Papa Jo, the masked medic.)

Randy

Posted by Randy at 11:15 AM | Permalink | Comments